


Wolfie McWolf Wolfiepants

by losthpfanficwriter (erbkaiser)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2019-11-17 15:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18101072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erbkaiser/pseuds/losthpfanficwriter
Summary: A Werewolf named Remus Lupin? What a coincidence... or is it?





	Wolfie McWolf Wolfiepants

The boy hesitated a little before opening the door to the cabin. What if they didn't like him? What if… what if his secret leaked out? He told himself he should not worry so much, everything should be fine. This was after all a new start, nobody at Hogwarts knew him and Headmaster Dumbledore had promised his secret would be kept from the student body.

Forcing a smile on his face, he opened the door and found the cabin was occupied by three boys around his age: two dark haired ones who vaguely looked related, like cousins maybe, and a boy with dirty blonde hair who looked to be even more nervous than he himself felt.

"Hey guys. Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"Come on in, the more the merrier," one of the dark-haired boys said. "Name's James, and this idiot -"

"Hey!"

"is my cousin, Sirius."

"I… I'm Peter," the third one said.

"Ramon Lupez, nice to meet you lot," Ramon introduced himself, pulling his trunk inside. "You all first years like me?"

"Yeah, we're all firsties - or, at least, will be," the other dark-haired one - Sirius - said. He looked at Ramon quizzically, then added with a mischievous smirk, "You don't look like a Ramon. I think I'll call you… Remus. Yeah. Remus Lupin."

"It's Ramon," he insisted, fighting off the shiver that ran down his spine. Why, of all things, such "Wolf-like" names?

"Nah, it's Remus," Sirius insisted. "You don't look like a Spangliard to me."

"Spaniard, Siri," James corrected.

"Whatever," Sirius countered, then stretched. "So, Remus, Remus Lupin, where are you from?"

-x-x-

Professor McGonagall peered at the list of names, trying to make out the next one. Her eyesight had been troubling her lately, but she refused to get spectacles just yet… with her hair starting to turn grey she felt old enough as it was.

"Lu- Lupey, Rambo?" she attempted.

"That's Lupin, Remus, ma'am!" one of the already sorted Gryffindors - the Black boy, Sirius, she reminded herself - helpfully shouted.

"Thank you, take a House point for Gryffindor," she called in reply. "Lupin, Remus!"

Stifling a groan, Ramon headed up to be sorted. He didn't want to draw attention to himself so he just let the name slip by for now.

-x-x-

Ramon rolled his eyes as he saw his brash friend break from the group of Gryffindors and head straight for the chatting twosome on the other end of the corridor.

"Oi! Snivellus! Get away from my Lily-flower!" James yelled.

Snivell- _Severus_ Snape sneered. " _Your_ Lily, Potter? I don't see your name on her," he drawled.

"I am not yours, James! Get that in your stubborn head!" James' ginger crush added.

"Not yet. Anyway, get lost, Snivellus!"

"Make me, Potter," Snape countered.

"Gladly," James bit back, pulling out his wand.

"Four against one? Gryffindor bravery at its finest," Snape sneered. "Afraid to take me on without your boyfriends Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew?"

"Never! Impedimenta!"

Ramon groaned as he was forced to join in the fight, when some other Slytherins showed up to support Snape. He didn't even think of correcting his name this time.

-x-x-

He looked in dismay at his end-of-year report card. "Remus Lupin," it said on top, instead of his correct name.

"What's this?" his father said, snatching the letter from his son's hands. "Ramon, did they send us the wrong one?"

"Dad… that's me. Some confusion at the school," Ramon clarified.

"Don't worry son, we'll get it sorted," his father promised.

-x-x-

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do," Headmaster Dumbledore answered, after listening to the Lupez family story. "Had young Remus -"

"Ramon!"

"Ramon, I apologize. Had he spoken up at the Sorting, maybe we could have done something, but now he is registered as the student Remus Lupin."

"But Professor, can't you just change his name?" Ramon's mother, Hope, asked.

"Alas, I can't. The Book of Students is a Founder artefact, and is updated by Magic itself following the Sorting. This same list is then used for the reports, and the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s. I'm afraid, Remus Lupin it is."

"I... I see. Thank you, Professor."

-x-x-

"You're a werewolf," Sirius blurted out. Ramon froze in his tracks. They weren't back at school for a month, and he had been careful going to the Shrieking Shack… hadn't he?

"I… I don't know what you mean?" he stammered.

"Puh-lease, it's obvious," Sirius countered.

"If it's so obvious, why did we need Peter to follow him this full moon?" James interjected.

Ramon groaned. How had he missed the other two entering the room in what was obviously an ambush?

Sirius flipped James the fingers. "Irregardless -"

"Not a word," Ramon muttered.

"Regardlessly then, you're a werewolf."

"Fine! So you caught me… what… what now?" Ramon's heart threathened to jump out of his chest. Was this the end of his school career?

"James and me -"

"And I," Ramon corrected him under his breath,

"We decided to Pottermail you," Sirius continued as if he hadn't heard him.

"Pottermail?" Despite the gravity of the situation, a smile threathened to appear on Ramon's face.

"Well, yeah, my family gets a bad rep as it is so I decided Blackmail was too much," Sirius joked. "Anyway, we're Pottermailing you."

"And what am I to do in return for you three keeping the secret?"

"Simple. Stop pretending to be this Spangliolard."

"Spaniard, you bufffoon. And I'm not pretending. Ramon Lupez is my _name_ , you dolt."

"Not according to Hogwarts," James cut in. "I looked in the Book of Students."

"Fine! So what do you want, exactly?" Ramon cried out.

"Tell us your name," Sirius demanded.

"Remus Lupin, good enough?" Ramon… Remus asked.

Sirius looked at James and smirked.

"Told you he'd agree. You owe me a galleon."

"You… you jerks," _Remus_ gasped.

"Hey, it's a proper joke… and it could be worse, mate," James said.

"I don't see how…"

"Well, we could've demanded you change your name to Wolfy McWolf Wolfiepants!" Sirius quipped.

Remus shuddered.

"Fine. Remus Lupin it is.  
Friends."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a friend, Liza, who was going through a rough time at the time.


End file.
